The Connection Between Corona and Chamonix

Quarantine. Here we go. I bet that word automatically caused your mind to race in every direction to a million different places. Maybe there’s some fun memories associated with those two months, or maybe that place looks quite dark to you. And then of course, there’s that third party. The unaffiliated. The ones who quite literally had an existential crisis and laid in bed staring at the ceiling while waiting for the walls to move. If that last group sounds similar to your experience, I’m right there with you. Personally, quarantine was extremely rough. But I’m a firm believer that rough doesn’t always mean bad. In fact, when I think back to one of the most “rough” months of my life, oddly enough, it is directly associated with the most inspiring, transformative and fun eras of my life. Last summer I hopped on a plane headed for LAX to meet up with total strangers (as us Gen Z kids do), and anxiously fantasized about what lay ahead. Sitting in the airport, I was picturing exactly how I planned to flawlessly reenact each scene from The Sound of Music and frolic through the European countryside in my brand new (as fashionable as I could find) hiking boots. However, like most things in life, the idea I had created in my head for this trip was far from the reality of it. Don’t get me wrong, the trip was the most amazing thing I’ve ever had the opportunity to do - it gave me lifelong friends and allowed me to cross sunset at the Eiffel Tower off my bucket list - but the insecurity and unfamiliarity I felt couldn’t go unacknowledged. Everyday I was last (by a good Swiss Alps mile) to finish the hike. I'd arrive at the hostel practically crawling with my poles dragging behind me hoping that the sweat would mask my tears. Each night I would just pray that my body could pull off a miracle and carry me through the following day’s 10+ mile itinerary. I’m no stranger to physical pain, I’ve played soccer for 14 years and once stepped on a sea urchin, but the toll these days were taking on my mental health was unlike anything I had ever experienced. I felt out of place and couldn’t find the reason God wanted me here, thousands of miles from home with not even so much as a phone, legitimately climbing mountains day after day. To put it in simplest terms, I felt like the Great Value version of myself, I know you all know what I’m talking about here. We spent the majority of the trip on the trail, basically hiking from dawn to dusk. This left me to my own devices, entertaining all the thoughts that bounced around in my head and searching for the specific purpose I was supposed to be fulfilling here. When quarantine rolled around, these resurfacing feelings felt all too familiar and brought me back to the girl that I was that summer. Having previously been through that uncomfortable time in my life where I felt like the world was carrying on without me, I was able to quickly remind myself of the lessons that I had learned during that trip. Life isn’t about ~finding yourself~ or “your purpose.” Instead, it is about ~creating~ those things. It is in these “rough” patches and difficult situations that we are forced to grow. Just as life changes, we evolve into different versions of ourselves that carry us through the various stages of our lives. Were you the same person you were 5 years ago? Exactly. Countless times throughout quarantine I got upset that I “didn’t feel like myself” but I know now, that it’s okay to not feel like “yourself”. In fact it’s more than okay, it’s proof that you are changing. Life is wildly unpredictable and change is inevitable. The bad times will come,*2020 has entered the chat*. But we must all learn to exist in the balance of the good and bad and to find stability as the waves crash over our heads. I guess what I’m trying to say in this unorganized ramble that is my brain at 11:46 on a Friday night is that the lonely and confusing times in our lives are intentional. I couldn’t see the purpose of my struggles on that mountainside in France last summer, but in retrospect, the lessons I learned from them is what got me through quarantine, and ultimately led me here to remind you all to choose joy in the waiting. You’ll see the bigger picture eventually, hang in there.

You made it! Thanks for taking time to read what I have to say, I’ve wanted to do this for a long time but honestly I was just scared of what everyone would think (roasting my grammatical errors and what not). But I’d like to think I’m wiser and have more perspective than I did at 15 when I first set up this site, so I decided to go ahead and share it!