Nostalgic at Nineteen

Sooo it’s been a minute, actually 161,280 minutes to be exact. Us type A gals can’t ballpark anything, hehe. Anyways, yeah! Three months. Three beautiful, restful, and impactful months. Summer came, the sun set, and the waves crashed just as they always do. I spent my summer enjoying things for what they were. Coming into something – a new season of life, an event, a job, etc. with no expectations or preconceived notions- is hard, foreign even. And I’m sure many of you feel that way as well; surely, I’m not the only one who studies the restaurant’s menu days before the reservation. I’m a big planner, someone who needs a specific Pinterest board for every season and certain playlists to match every weather forecast. So, as you can imagine, driving home from Tallahassee with no concrete plans for the summer wasn’t exciting. It drove me nuts, in fact. I have this notion that if I’m not doing something ~groundbreaking or revolutionary~ every season, then I’m wasting my life away. And don’t even get me started about the fact that I realized it was my last summer as a teenager. It was a long car ride. Lots of Phoebe Bridgers.

But what I learned from this summer is that you don’t need a big agenda for a season to have a big impact. This summer, I let things fall into place. This summer, I grew in my faith. This summer, I learned that the combination of SPF 8 and tanning oil is not a sustainable lifestyle choice. This summer, I learned that spending time alone actually makes me feel the opposite of lonely. This summer, I learned how to cook something besides pancakes. Every summer has a story, and although this one is simple, it sure is sweet. This summer tells the story of a time in my life when I let myself just be. Free from all expectations, I truly just took things day by day.

I’m arguably one of the most nostalgic people you’ll ever meet. I’ll mourn the end of every single period in my life with a dramatic journal entry (what you’re reading right now) and an existential crisis. So now that I’ve filled you in on my summer, I want to unpack my last year as a teen. What’d I learn? How many times did Taylor Swift make me cry? What was my favorite breakfast fixation?

Would it be dramatic to say I “found my purpose” this past year? I know that phrase is overdone and taken out of context so often, but that’s how it felt. Everything finally fell into place. My newfound “purpose” wasn’t where I had always imagined it would be. It didn’t even look like what I had always thought. It wasn’t in my major. Not in a relationship. It wasn’t even in the big milestone events. It was the quiet moments, the ones I never really payed any mind to. The times when I would sit back and just replay funny moments with friends in my head over and over again. The moments where I sat alone watching the ocean. The times when someone I love gave me a hug after a long day. These are what I always find myself wanting more of. I realized acing every exam, having the most polished resume, or even landing my dream job one day won’t fully sustain me. But the moments I stopped overlooking this past year will. Loving the Lord and putting him at the center of my life has led me to this place of contentment. Life is about more than just working toward the next big thing. I don’t want to just be passing through. I don’t want to be “just trying to get through this week.” I want my life to count, I want it to mean something.

And I think in this past year, it has. My sweet friend Molly asked me what the best part of being 19 was and although this isn’t specific to the age, I told her I laid the foundation for who I want to be. At this point, I’ve experienced the kind of heartbreak Taylor Swift sings about. I’ve learned to say no to things that no longer serve me. I’ve made mistakes that led me closer to the Lord. I’ve seen places that gave me perspective. I’ve had friends let me down, and I’ve been the one to let someone down. The point is, I think what I’ll take away from my teenage years is that life is all about the people and the things you love. The rest of it is just a game! The things we plan for never seem to happen, our most stressful situations don’t matter in 10 years, and all that’s left at the end of the day are the people in your life.

So find the people you love, and keep them close. Discover what you love doing, and don’t let it go. Visit the places you love often, and sing songs about it all every chance you get.

Annnd that feels like enough drama for this month. Have a great day – love you all!

Xx, Maddie